So I'll start on Friday the 12th (there is a point I promise). Paul got home from work at his usual time around midnight I believe. I usually wait up for him (well not since Robert came I try and get to sleep before then if Robert is). We probably stayed up till 2 or 3am that night. That happens a lot. He has to wind down and we end up talking about the day when we get in bed so it ends up being pretty late by the time we go to sleep. Saturday the 13th we got up at like 9:30. We were going to go to the mall for "Dig for Diamonds" it's this thing Twin Falls does every year around valentines day. They fill up a truck bed with sand and have different colored fake rings that you dig up and they correspond with a prize. You get one scoop. They have lot's of cools stuff and it's free so why not. So we finally get to the mall around 12:30 (It starts at 1) Mom actually came cuz dad was going to a game in Burley I think. So we actually spent most of the day walking around in the mall. We were there till like 3:30 or 4 I think. The only time I sat was when we ate lunch at the Taco Bell across the mall parking lot. I did plenty of walking and standing. I was wiped out. That much at a day away from 40 weeks is tiring. We got home and Brian and Jill came to see us, Kamden had a basketball game down here. Then we just did our usual hang out and watch a movie or something like that. We went to bed around 11:30 or midnight but of course we didn't fall asleep we ended up talking for like and hour or so and then TMI we got a little frisky if you know what I mean;).
Anyway we finally actually went to sleep about 2:30am. Well Paul did he falls asleep in like 2 seconds it takes me much longer especially being so pregnant. And I think I felt my first REAL contraction about the time he fell asleep. I said, "Oh they've never felt like that before!" I was afraid I wouldn't know when labor was happening, cuz I've never felt it before, and people would say, "oh you'll just know." And boy were they right. Anyway I thought well I'll just try and fall asleep I'm sure it's nothing. So about 15 min. later I have another one. Well I think it was 15 it could have been more, but I think 15min cuz by the time I decided I wasn't going to be sleeping it was 3:30am and I'd had like 3 or 4 contractions. I said "Paul I'm having some contractions but don't worry about it I wake you up if we need to leave." I got up and started a bath and sat in it for like 30-45 mins I think and then decided that that wasn't very comfortable so I got out. By this time they were coming a little closer than 10 min apart. I woke up Paul. He gave me a blessing. And I decided to try and wait a little longer before we went. They had steadily gotten closer together and were about 5 min apart. At 5:30 I decided it was time to go. So we got in the car and I called mom and dad. She wanted to know when it was happening so they could come.
We got to the hospital checked in and they did some monitoring. At about 6am they checked me and I was dilated to a 4 and I think about 90 or 100% effaced (I had been at a 2 for weeks).She asked if I wanted an epidural since I could get one because I was 4cm. I said "No. I'm trying to go as natural as I can." So they brought in a birthing ball and I bounced on it for about 2 hours or a little longer. By now the contractions were about 2 min apart I think. Mom and Dad had gotten there by then and were excited. At about 8:30 the on call doc (who I was sad was leaving his shift right after he saw me cuz he was one of the doctors I really liked.) came and broke my water. I was dilated to about a 6 I think. HOLY CRAP!!!! Contractions after they break your water hurt like the dickens!!! Poor Paul I didn't want him to touch me at all. I was quite the meanie I think. He was trying to comfort me but I hate being touched when I'm in pain. So after they broke my water those mean hospital people made me lay in the bed so they could monitor me and the baby some more. By now the contractions pretty much felt never ending. Maybe like a 30 second break or so. Every time one would hit I would cling to the bed rail for dear life pretty sure I was gonna break it off the bed. I hated Paul seeing me like that, him feeling helpless.
So about 10:30am rolls around and I am utterly exhausted. I hadn't slept since those 6 measly hours Friday night before a very long and tiring Saturday. And I hadn't eaten since about 8 or 9pm Saturday. I start to break down. I can't do this. My body is too tense. I can't relax through this blinding, crippling pain. I'm worried I won't progress. The baby doesn't like the way I breathe when a contraction hits. What if I put him in distress? I need help I can't do this by myself. I need help. I ask for the epidural. I'm at a 7 almost an 8. It's a Sunday morning the anesthesiologist will take at least 30 min to get here. I don't know if I can handle that. They give me an IV, needless to say you don't feel them put it in your hand when you're having a hard contraction. They gave me a shot of Stadol in the IV. I asked for it so I could handle the wait till the guy got there to give me the epidural. It doesn't numb the pain it just relaxes you and takes the edge of. I immediately began to relax. I fell asleep kind of in a haze. I was awake for contractions but not really. They still hurt but I just couldn't be bothered by them anymore I was too tired. "Hee Hee Hoo" my continual breathing pattern now even when not contracting I can finally breath now that I'm relaxed. And breathing like that actually helped. Too bad I couldn't do it when I wasn't drugged. lol I can hold Paul's hand. I keep saying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" for being such hag a few hours earlier.
The guy finally got there for the epidural I think it was at about 11am I can't really quite remember I was so so tired and out of it by then. Getting the epidural wasn't nearly as traumatizing as I thought it would be. They gave me the numbing shot which made me jump when he first tried to do it. And I didn't feel the epidural needle at all except for the pressure from it. And as I drifted to sleep and before I became completely numb I could feel the tremendous pressure from Robert moving into position and then I couldn't feel a thing. Then at about Noon Mendie, my nurse who was freakin awesome!!! came back in and checked me. I was fully dilated. Which was good cuz she was thinking she might have to give me some pitocin if the epidural had slowed/stopped progression. All she had to do was get the stuff ready and wait for Dr. Allen to get to the room. She let Robert naturally move down by himself while I was sleeping. That was nice cuz it saved me lots of pushing I imagine.
Originally Paul and I had decided we didn't want anyone in the room with us. But when mom came in to check on us around noon or 12:30 or so we decided we wanted her to stay. Her and Paul held my feet while I pushed and the nurse tried to massage me so I wouldn't tear. As soon as they each had my feet the nurse was like, "I can see his head, he has some curly hair." I had about 3 or 4 sets of pushes while the nurse was doing her thing. Each set was 3 pushes for ten seconds each. Paul counted and saw the whole show. He did so well he didn't even get squeamish or anything. Then the doctor came in again ready for the show. Mendie, the nurse, took over the foot my mom was holding. It only took 2 or 3 more sets of pushes to get him here. I ended up getting an episiotomy because I was starting to tear I guess (I was numb so I don't really know. lol) I almost didn't even know he did it. I was just a little cut and it hardly bothered me the next few days. Anyway back on subject.
We ended up having to use the vacuum because he was kinda in distress and sort of stuck. After he came out we found out it was because the cord had wrapped around his neck like once I think. It can't remember it was sort of a blur. So after six or seven sets of pushes he was finally here! My little boy! He was perfect! He was beautiful and strong and boy he had a voice! Paul cut the cord and they put him on my chest and wiped him off. Shocked by his new world. They took him to be weighed and measured and given the shots and eye goop. And the APGAR test. Paul watched over him while this happened while I sat being stitched and cleaned up, longing to see him, hold him, love him. He was here! The one I'd been dreaming of. Feeling inside of me all safe and snug, squirmy like a worm.
He was 8lbs 3oz and 21inches long. I new he had to be long. I have such a long torso and I could feel him all the way down with his head engaged and at the same time he was doing the splits in my ribs. And that was when I was standing. Lucky for me he carried low the whole pregnancy. But no wonder I was so huge. I looked at a pic from 4 days before he arrived and I can't get over how ginormous I look. I didn't realize how crappy my body felt being that huge until I was empty and alone. But at the same time how sad it was being empty, I didn't have him all to myself anymore. It's such a bittersweet event giving birth. For me anyway.
He was here. In this world full of surprises both good and bad. So much could happen to him good and bad. And suddenly I was afraid. Afraid I wouldn't be a good mom. Afraid of the things he will have to face in his life. Afraid of being blessed with the honor of raising such a sweet spirit of God and not feeling good enough for such a blessing. Afraid of the hardships he will face and go through. And then I remembered he has all the hope and chances in the world. He will have love and support and family and friends and God if he chooses. We can only teach him but we cannot force him. When he grows he will be his own person make his own choices and decisions both good and bad. Ah but this is looking too far ahead. I need to focus on the now. He will be a month on Sunday. A MONTH!!!!! I can't believe how fast it goes. My last month of pregnancy lasted an eternity and the first month with him seems to have lasted only a matter of hours or a few days. Time goes so quickly sometimes.
If you've read all this thanks for reading such ramblings and suffering through my horrible grammar. I have more important things to care about right now than grammar:) and I don't have the time to edit. It's taken me a few days to get this down. Robert takes up all of my time. He's such a wonderful blessing in my life. Well that's it for now. I must go to bed and try and sleep while I can. He'll probably wake up real soon tho, little bugger;)
Yesterday. I'm sure he's like over 10 lbs by now the little piggie:)
wow! Great blogging. What good memories.
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